Monday, August 8, 2016

My Finest Hour

Well... It happened. I made it 1 year, 15 days, 20 hours, and 36 minutes into my mission and it happened. I thought I was good! I thought I was on an easy downhill ride. You think you're the last person it could happen to, until it happens. But when it happens, you realize you've pooped yourself...

Tuesday was changes. So we head on over to Ameca in the morning to get everyone together and where they needed to be. I didn't have changes, but I was pretty excited to get over there because my main man Elder Searle has a sweet flute thing for me called a Quena. Long story short, we bought them to become one with nature. When I got this thing, it was easily the coolest flute I've ever seen! So I'm stoked!!! I started to play it, but it was harder than I thought. That wasn't gonna stop me, I was all in and ready to learn!!! So we finish the changes and me, my comp and 14 other Elders go over to the bus station to wait for the bus to Cuautla. I got my Quena there on my lap, feeling pretty swag like I know what I'm doing. Then, a bus station worker comes over and asks, "Hey, is that a Quena?" I’m thinking, why on earth does this guy know what kind of flute I've got? But I say, yeah it's a Quena. And he asks to play it. At this point, 2 things go through my head.
1- who is this poser? 2- I already ate cow stomach and I'm fine. Someone else playing my Quena won't hurt me. So I pass it to him and he starts playing at about the same level I can. He finishes, turns to me and says, "it doesn't work good" This Guy!!! This Guy Has The CAHONES to Come Over, Play My Quena, And Tell Me It Doesn't Work!!! Who Is This Guy?! He tells me, I'll be right back. So he comes back carrying a Beautiful Quena. And I could now see, I was about to get shown up. He says, "This Quena is straight from Bolivia and high quality. check this out." What followed was an angelic whistle mixed with native American spirit, and the soul of a Southern Baptist church choir. Amazing. He officially made me look like a newb... Of course the other 14 Elders had to get some harassing in. But I got the dudes name and number and I might try to bribe the Quena from him. We'll see.

Wednesday was just one of those days where NOTHING happens. It doesn't matter how hard you work or how many people you try to visit, you just get squat.

Thursday was awesome!!! We only had one lesson but it was great!!! It was with a new investigator named Juli. She has a store and can't leave it, so we gave the lesson standing up, outside, and was easily one of the most powerful lessons I've had so far in my mission. She is what one would call, A Golden Investigator. "Why?" you may ask.
1-she loved the lesson and what we shared.
2-when we asked if she had any questions, she asked, "when can you come back with another message."
3-her day off is Sunday!!!
4-she accepted the book of Mormon, and a baptism date for the 10th of September!!!
We're not losing this one!!! Please keep her in your prayers!!! Also some chump came up to the store to buy during our lesson. He kind of looked at me, then looked away. Then looked again and asked me, "Hey, are we all children of God?" Naturally I answer, "Why yes. Yes, we are!" That's when he went off!!! He started quoting scriptures and yelling and telling me that anyone who does bad things without repentance is not a child of God. At this time, I have a big smile on my face because this guy is just making a big fool of himself in public. So I ask him a question when he ran out of breath, because that was the only chance I would've gotten to get my 2 cents in. I said, "would you consider someone who causes contention a child of God?" He puffed out his chest and shouted, "of course not!!!" That's when I struck and with a big smile said, "Then why are you causing contention?" And let me tell you what, there was nothing sweeter than to see his face freeze as he realized he put himself into the "not a child of God" category. The rest was just stutters and sputters of trying to come back. Now, I'm not the best at powning newbs like that, but I do pity the fool, and it felt great to shut down that guy!!!

Friday was bad. I woke up with the chills and the Mexican cold. It wasn't fun. And even less fun to go all the way to Ameca for a leadership meeting for 5 hours. We got home and I went to bed at 7.

Saturday I was still sick.

Sunday... Oh Sunday. It was a normal day. We went about doing our normal stuff. At 3 we left for a place called Axochiapan to do an interview. It's about 1-2 hours away so that's good times. We get 'er done and do our reporting and then we are only 2 hours in 2 bus rides away from freedom!!! We got about an hour and ten minutes down the road and I get drilled in the gut with a 2x4 feeling of "I’m gonna poop myself right here in the bus." But I grit my teeth and started singing in my head, "We're not gonna take it! No!!! We ain't gonna take it..." So we got off the bus and we are literally 20 minutes from the house. We waited 10 minutes for the bus we needed and it never came. So I said, "shove it, we're taking a taxi!" As we were in the taxi, I said to my comp, "As I pay the driver, I need you to run and open the doors or I’m gonna poop myself!" So as I received my change, my comp is still in the taxi... We get out and I yell "RUN!!!" and he does a half jog to the door... he opened it up and we head for our house door. Now I’m clenching cheeks! I mean I’m cold sweat quiver cheekin!!!  What happened next is kind of a blur, but it went down something like this.

Me- Open the door man! I’m gonna blow!!!
Comp- I’m trying man hold on!
Me- Elder! Hurry! I can’t!!!
Comp- Hold on man!
Me- Elder! I’m pooping! Elder I’m pooping!!! I’m pooping Elder! Right now I’m pooping! Oh my gosh!
Comp- What?!
Me- I pooped Elder! I just pooped!!!
Comp-... Are you serious?
Me- ...Yeah... Yeah I am...
Me I’m uh... I’m going to take a shower...

So that’s was great times. No it’s not a joke. Yes, I became a member of the "I pooped my pants South of the Border" club. That’s all I got. As Always!!!

Stay Classy,

Elder Johns

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